Devon Ligotti (animepunk) wrote,
Devon Ligotti

So sick...

hey super sick with some sort of sinus thing,and its driving me crazy,last night was one of the most restless nights ive had in a long time..and i HATE not being able to sleep...because then all i do its lay there...staring at the ceiling and "thinking".
the thoughts start happy at first but then slowly one old thing that upsets me will hit me..and then another and then another and then ill worry about future things and feel horrible and thus i am how i am right now,feeling crappy physically and emotionally.
One of the main things bothering me is about going to college..and i have no one to give me advice or vent to about it because no one i know is going right now,or i havent been able to talk to the ones who do :(.
On one hand..i NEED to go,i cant sponge off of my parents forever,and i wouldnt want to. They own auto parts stores,and if one horrible thing were to go wrong and we were forced to close id be out of a job and have to go to the nearest taco bell to earn 5.50 an hour. Not that theres anything wrong with that at this point in my life,but i cant live on that forever either.
On the other hand,my dad and mom are decently well off and my dad even offered to help me open a business of my own when he retires in about...5 years or so i think he said. But i dont have anything i know enough about to open a whole store,and when you open your own business its either hit..or terrible miss..and i dont want to risk my dads money like i dont feel comfortable living off of my parents like i said dad doesnt like the life i lead and id prefer to keep my work time away from him.
I want to go into nursing,it makes around 40-60 thousand a year and its the only thing i could see myself remotely enjoying other then tattoo-ing or other jobs that would never pay me enough.
But thats 3-4 years of my life.tons of homework,no free time,and then theres no garuntee ill even get in because of the stiff competition or even get my RN in the end because you have to pass a supposedly very hard state test...*sigh* i just dont know what to do with myself.
I know what i want in the future,which is another thing that worries me entirely, but i have no way of getting there and it worries me to death,so much stuff about the future worries me,it makes me feel helpless..and i know so many people are way worse off then i am,so who am i to complain? Im sorry,i dont mean to be selfish but i guess in this instance,i am.
Someone put the future on not ready -_-. the
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