love

(no subject)

Wow...been a long time since i updated..dont know if anyone will even see this. Ive been so busy with school,and moving and other things that livejournal has never really been anywhere near the top of my list..as of late i havent been feeling exctly the best..kinda a culmination of various things,but its hard to concentrate,i just cant seem to feel right.
On a brighter note,im in my new condo,living on my own..and though i know the bills are gonna be kinda tight..the feeling of satisfaction i get sometimes from sitting in my own living room and not worrying about anyone else dissaproving of what i like makes it worthwhile.Ill take some pics once i get some decorations in here...right now its pretty plain,except that i painted my room purple...hey,i like it lol.
Ive been itching to go out places...its been so long since ive gone anywhere with anyone..couple weeks ago i went to see dave attell:
Image hosting by Photobucket
(i look all marshmallow-y in that pic...yuck)
but i was by myself..i waited in a huge line,and had to listen to some snobby girl on a couch next to me talk about me like i couldnt hear her..then when they sat me at a table,a couple was assigned seated next to me..and they tried to sit elsewhere...just made me feel pretty bad.

But like i said..i just want to go out,i go crazy sitting here all fucking day. Anyone wanna go to the motor city comicon? I know its dorky...and then desperate to ask on LJ..but i feel like i just dont talk to anyone anymore...gah..im sad and i need to go :(
  • Current Music
    none
love

So sick...

hey all..im super sick with some sort of sinus thing,and its driving me crazy,last night was one of the most restless nights ive had in a long time..and i HATE not being able to sleep...because then all i do its lay there...staring at the ceiling and "thinking".
the thoughts start happy at first but then slowly one old thing that upsets me will hit me..and then another and then another and then ill worry about future things and feel horrible and thus i am how i am right now,feeling crappy physically and emotionally.
One of the main things bothering me is about going to college..and i have no one to give me advice or vent to about it because no one i know is going right now,or i havent been able to talk to the ones who do :(.
On one hand..i NEED to go,i cant sponge off of my parents forever,and i wouldnt want to. They own auto parts stores,and if one horrible thing were to go wrong and we were forced to close id be out of a job and have to go to the nearest taco bell to earn 5.50 an hour. Not that theres anything wrong with that at this point in my life,but i cant live on that forever either.
On the other hand,my dad and mom are decently well off and my dad even offered to help me open a business of my own when he retires in about...5 years or so i think he said. But i dont have anything i know enough about to open a whole store,and when you open your own business its either hit..or terrible miss..and i dont want to risk my dads money like that...plus i dont feel comfortable living off of my parents like i said before..my dad doesnt like the life i lead and id prefer to keep my work time away from him.
I want to go into nursing,it makes around 40-60 thousand a year and its the only thing i could see myself remotely enjoying other then tattoo-ing or other jobs that would never pay me enough.
But thats 3-4 years of my life.tons of homework,no free time,and then theres no garuntee ill even get in because of the stiff competition or even get my RN in the end because you have to pass a supposedly very hard state test...*sigh* i just dont know what to do with myself.
I know what i want in the future,which is another thing that worries me entirely, but i have no way of getting there and it worries me to death,so much stuff about the future worries me,it makes me feel helpless..and i know so many people are way worse off then i am,so who am i to complain? Im sorry,i dont mean to be selfish but i guess in this instance,i am.
Someone put the future on hold...im not ready -_-.


meh....in the meantime..here:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
OMGGGG COOKIE!!!!!!!!!
love

Highs and lows

well..today was shit-tastic..but i did get a sweet new phone,can take pics and videos with it and such..but after playing with it a few hours im now bored by it and today went back to being crap. Im in a cold sweat right now,im thinking i just need to sleep but i dont want to right now at all.
I got a bunny "its" name is Ripley..i say "it" because until about a month from now or so i wont know what "it" is gender-wise, but "it" is adorable as pictured here:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
I keep thinking about what im going to do with myself and i only end up frustrated and worried..i dont want to go to college..but what else am i going to do?..i need to honestly start preparing for the future or im going to be screwed in the long run. I need a job that makes decent money but i dont feel like listening to peoples bullshit in school for more then 2 miserable years. everything i look at only makes about 13 dollars an hour max..which just isnt enough when i plan to have little people to support one day.

i hate the thought of going back.i wish i could get into tattooing,because its the only thing i can truely see myself enjoying but it would never make the money i need. Id try to own my own business with the help of my parents..but i have nothing i know enough about to open up an entire store..and i dont wanna be a sponge off of my parents for my entire life.

So im left with the inevitable..what do i want to be when i grow up? i have no fucking clue. someone give me a hint?

..ah the MTV movie awards are on again right now,what a steaming pile of garbage..it irritates me to no end how shitty the music industry has gotten..but then again when has MTV ever really been that reliable of a source for good music?

I watched a movie called "employee of the month" i highly recommend it..good stuff,one of the few things to cheer me up lately as ive just been feeling like a fat pile of shit. Dave from Kids in the Hall has a small part in it and its partly written by a producer from Strangers with candy which has to be my favorite TV show ever,very under-appreciated.

Im going with Sarah in November to see HIM,hopefully this time i can actually say hi after the show and snap a quick picture to remember it by it the opening act is Finch,blah..but i did like one of their songs for awhile....

just so this entry isnt completely pointless;
#1 Real Phone Call to Gary the Retard from Howard Stern Animated



#2 Unless your as retarded as i am you might not think this ones funny,but i sure as hell do
how if either of those cant cheer you up when your down,dammit i just dont know what can <3
love

Brains?

meh random update..ive been trying forver to get the image caps off of my video camera..these are just a couple pics of me as a zombie when i worked on "Detroit Blood City" a local movie :) Dave got me into it,guy who works at blockbuster and come to think of it he hasnt called me in forever,Dave if you read this,call me! i hope i didnt mess anything up with my ohio trip :(.
Anyways heres the piccies:
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

On another note i found a girl whos gonna make me a sweet shirt out of an Alien 3 shirt..i <3 alien and predator..too bad i couldnt find a good predator shirt to go with it..
anyways i still dont have my phone jack in yet thus the lack of any internet communication/updating..right now ive half assed rigging this up from liz's room which is most likely dricing her crazy...so until i get my comp fixed,later! <3
love

Ultra Unreal and shitttttttt....

Well i did it,i went all the way to Ohio by myself,but all in all i wouldve done it again for sure.
When i first arrived after getting lost a couple times, i was miserable...there were only about 30 people or so and i was sitting by myself..no one talking to me. I sat at a table in the back corner and then got kicked out because some guy wanted his whole clan to be sitting there. I moved,but needless to say that made me feel even more uncomfortable..i was ready to leave.
(thats me behind the two guys,all you can see is my forehead)

The thought of driving the 4 hours straight back home was getting me pretty upset so i stayed awhile longer to try and tough it out,then while jumping around in the game, Xellos, a 99 player came up to me and intorduced me to his fiance heather...after taking me to mcdonalds and even offering me a spot at there place to stay for the two nights i had some people to talk to.
Warmidget was pretty cool,he was only 12 and acted more like an adult then most people i know back home.I taught him some stuff in photoshop and he even tried to snag me a sweet unreal shoulder bag from the prizes at the end.
There were really good players there,but i think overall i stood pretty well...yes i got my ass handed to me on several occasions in deathmatch,but when it came to the CTF my team annihalted every other team. I even ended one 20 minute match with no deaths and "wicked Sick" status.
People seemed to have fun with my hair,here is such an example:

The guy wearing my hair went by SuperD,he was really nice but i felt bad,he bought 9 extra seats expecting to sell them...ooo not so much lol.
I won a poster and 2 shirts and really had fun actually being able to talk to the people i was playing and hearing a resounding "FUCK!" or "DAMMIT" everytime i headshotted an unsuspecting victim.


I might be going to Dayton LANfest now if thier playing a good deal of UT2K4...but im not sure yet...for those of you who dont care about unreal tournament,i apologize for the length of this entry...but for some reason i really love my UT lol

click the LJ cut if you wanna see a few more pics :)
Collapse )
  • Current Music
    "Along comes Mary" Bloodhound Gang
love

meh

Been sick for almost a week now...feel like shit..freaking out...
i dont want to be at work,i just want to go home and lay down and forget about everything for awhile because right now i feel like garbage.yep.

i hope the people downstairs didnt get annoyed by noise last night..i dont think it was that bad but you never know..the rent needs to go out today too..
ugh my stomach is upset,i dont know if its from being actually sick,or from worrying myself sick because ive been known to do that.

On the lighter side of things:


haha he can see whats coming..
  • Current Music
    nothing
love

Proof i still draw..kinda

i finally took the time to ink and color a semi older pic of my two orignal would-be comic book characters and finally gave my zombie dude a name,Zoe :P so original huh??

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Anyways perhaps my series of art blocks will finally cease....and to shiin sorry i havent emailed you about trading with ya yet,i actually took a few stabs at your pic and havent liked what i was makin and then i got into a huge rut again,but expect an email from me soon because i think i may be cured! :) heh..random i know.
Anyways...thought id share..im kinda happy to have completed a pic after awhile of nothing..its not like a masterpeice or anything buts its the first colored pic of my two characters. :)
  • Current Music
    Meh..nothin
love

Ultra Unreal LAN party goodness

OK so if you know me in real life you mightve occasionally heard me whine about wanting to attend a LAN party,but there were always a few problems with that.But now ive found one thats ALL Unreal Tournament,and its in Ohio..which is pretty damn close..alot closer then the Million Man LAN atleast which is all the way in Kentucky.
Thier having competitions for prizes in the 5v5 CTF match,1v1 Deatmatch and 4v4 Team Deathmatch,and for a 40 dollar entry fee the prizes better be good! lol im pretty intent on going at this moment in time,even if its by myself but i would REALLY love a person or two to accompany me on this 1 to possibly 2..maybe even 3 day dork fest! >:D ...now that i think of that though..unless youd play some unreal i dont think itd be much fun...eh lol...
Heres the website:
http://www.promusicvideos.com/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1
eep...im exited!
1 person road trip! Wooooo!!!!!
....eh..
thats kinda sad lol
  • Current Music
    Elvis music in the talk radio background
love

Attack of the Bob

I know this will probably bore most people,but i think my kitty bob is finally liking me lol heres some pics of him <3 ive never had a kitty of my own so im in love lol eee!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Oh yeah,check out that high class patch on my ten dollar recliner. im such a pimp......i think he knows that pillow is mocking him.


Image hosted by Photobucket.com
^_^!!
  • Current Music
    The team america theme